Victoria’s REAL Secret
Victoria’s Secret, that bastion of naughty nighties and panties that launched a thousand erections has been sued by a woman who says she knows the true secret behind Victoria’s Secret…
Formaldehyde.
You know, the stuff they use to keep corpses fresh until they close the box? That’s the one.
According to a class-action lawsuit filed by Parker Waichman Alonso LLP, several women across the US complained of itchy, scratchy rashes after wearing VS bras.
Now at first I thought Aha! Skanks are returning merchandise an it’s being restocked without a proper delousing! But that wouldn’t account for the number of women reporting the problem, especially since they seem to be spread out across the country. Not that I’m insinuating there’s not enough skanks to go around, mind…
FORMALDEHYDE?
According to the lawyers:
Intimate apparel/undergarments sold by Victoria’s Secret Stores have been the subject of numerous complaints by women who say they sustained serious and painful rashes, hives and scarring, allergic reactions, contact dermatitis, blistering, itching, systemic reactions and other health problems. According to media reports, preliminary investigation of these claims has revealed that some items sold by Victoria’s Secret tested positive for the presence of the chemical formaldehyde.
Formaldehyde is used in the textile industry to make fabrics crease-resistant. Individuals have been known to develop formaldehyde allergic reactions and other health problems through skin contact with clothing containing formaldehyde.
So, in other words… it’s intentional?
Now, I can understand the need to sell wrinkle-resistant panties: I mean after all, what’s the sense in spending all that money on panties when the end result is gonna look like what the wife looks like without panties?
Now I’m not a lawyer (one look at my trailer would tell you that much,) but it sounds like the lawyers may have a good case, especially if VS has had numerous complaints about ladies with formaldehyde allergies and didn’t bother to label their products.
Not that putting warning labels on their products will help Marketing any: I can’t imagine a woman going to Victoria’s Secret, picking out the sheerest and sexiest bra and panties set she can find, only to notice a label on the bottom saying: CAUTION: CONTAINS FORMALDEHYDE. Shit, so does Aunt Rita, and I sure as hell don’t want to be seen with her on my crotch!
However this shakes out, I doubt it will have much of an impact on the mega sales machine that is Victoria’s Secret. There are just too many middle-aged sexually frustrated housewives out there with tons of discretionary income just dying to put on a $200 Merry Widow for a guy who’s coming to bed wearing BVDs sporting skidmarks and yellow blotches. And there are just as many guys out there looking to buy his wife the perfect Christmas present – for himself. After all, some of that stuff has way too many snaps and ribbons delicate lace on it for the average woman who’d rather go to bed in a t-shirt and sweatpants. But Victoria’s Secret isn’t selling comfort or practicality, they’re selling, when it’s all said and done, fantasy.
Tags: class-action, FEMA trailers, formaldehyde, lawsuit, Victoria's Secret
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